Having tried and stuck with my Strength & Conditioning and Aqua classes, I decided that I needed to find a third class at the gym. My reasoning was that if I attend two classes I’ve got my money back from my monthly fee, but if I attend three classes it’s a freebie! This makes my Yorkshire soul sing!
Zumba looked lovely: happy, lithe people with shining eyes bounced upstairs to the dance studio. Surely this was me? Also my friend Nicky – a few years older than me- raved about it and encouraged me to go. And so one Spring morning I joined the merry throng. The instructor spotted me lurking on the back row (always my favourite spot) and introduced herself.
She asked all the right questions: “Have you done Zumba before?” “No.” “Are you relatively fit?” (Small lie) “Yes.” “Any injuries?” “Dodgy knee.” With a bounce of her curls and a flash of red lipstick she was off to the front of the class. Or should I say Hall of Mirrors? Three sides of mirrors! There was no escape from seeing everyone else dancing like, well proper dancers, and me bumbling along out of time and nearly always in the wrong direction, in my ancient leggings at the rear of the studio.
I did occasionally (accidentally) get a move correct, but then usually followed this up by losing focus and crashing into some other poor unsuspecting attendee. The message supposedly transmitted from the instructor’s expert moves to my eyes and then onto my elderly and disobedient legs clearly got lost around about my elbows. After 20 awful, embarrassing, stumbling minutes I decided that life is short, and at 65 time is precious (how many Spring mornings did I have left?), so I would leave, sneak out and hope that everyone else was so occupied with their enthusiastic shimmying and samba-ing that they wouldn’t notice my disappearance. I would spare myself further humiliation and the other dancers more injuries – how thoughtful am I?
Zumba was so awful that the charms of the stair climber (previously hated with a vengeance) seemed like a pleasant exercise idyll. I spent the remaining time climbing it and considering which other class I could grace (or not) with my presence!
